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To Sam

Being Asian and in the closet

Basically I’m gay and in the closet but also have very cultural, asian parents meaning if I come out, they will probably attempt to beat the gay out of me. This puts me in a tough situation since I’m almost 16 now and kinda want to be in a relationship but obviously can’t because I can’t come out meaning I can’t really make any advances on anyone and no one that I’m attracted to will make advances on me.

Will I die if I am not in a relationship? No but having to supress my sexuality is really overwhelming since I’ve been constantly attempting to keep it locked up for 4 whole years now. This is really problematic since it’s impacting my social life and making me want to isolate myself from the rest of the world and then when I am alone I can’t stop thinking about my sexuality and men in general. How do I stop this cycle? How do I stop getting vexed or upset because of my situation?

I feel that many people are in a similar situation but there seems to be no answers to help out of our situations.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Everyone has a right to be themselves - and this includes their sexuality. There are LGBTQ+ people in every culture and ethnicity, but each community has slightly different issues and so it's difficult for people to find advice for their specific situation.

There are plenty of people of all races and cultures who are accepting of LGBTQ+ people and their rights. Unfortunately, this isn't the case for everyone. There are still some cultures and communities where people are against gay rights, including senor figures who have a lot of influence.This leads to gay and LGBTQ+ people feeling less able to come out and be who they are, in case their community is against them.

You can't control how your family react to LGBTQ+ people, and not being accepted can make you feel isolated or scared. However, nobody should ever hurt you or treat you badly because of your sexuality or gender identity. Abusing someone because of their sexual orientation is a hate crime and is illegal. Everybody has the right to feel safe - if you are worried about your safety here are some things you can try.

If you feel like coming out might mean you get abused, it's important to think about keeping yourself safe. This might mean making the difficult choice not to tell your parents until you are old enough to support yourself on your own. It's important to talk to someone you trust if your family isn't supporting you or if they do anything that makes you feel unsafe. You can always talk to a Childline counselor, or call Stonewall's helpline for support.

There are lots of people on your side - even if the people around you are not. There are other people the same age as you, from the same background or ethnicity, who may have had similar problems coming out. There is a large community of young people who you can talk to on the Childline message boards in a supportive space where nobody knows who you are.

I hope this letter has been useful, thanks for writing.

Take care,

Sam

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