Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Being hurt physically and emotionally are forms of abuse. No one has the right to hurt you, it's wrong and this behaviour is never acceptable in any kind of relationship.

It sounds like your boyfriend is aware that what he has done is wrong. Especially if he has apologised to you. It's quite common for someone who is abusive to be loving and kind at times too, and that can add to the confusion about how their partner is left feeling.

Having good moments can encourage someone to stay with a partner, even if deep down they know how they're being treated isn't right. It seems as though you recognised this before, when you split up with him. Remembering the reasons you ended it before could be important when you consider giving him another chance and what makes a healthy or unhealthy relationship.

The fact that he says he is angry when he hits you also does not make this okay. There's never a good excuse for someone being violent or abusive. You should never be left feeling unsafe or frightened. If you feel like this, then it might be time to start thinking about whether this relationship is right for you. Good relationships are built on trust, respect and honesty. And this is something you deserve.

When we care a lot for someone it might seem difficult to imagine not having them in our life, and I can hear that you have strong feelings for him. With the right support it's possible to move on from a relationship that doesn't work out.

You may have a lot of mixed and confused feelings and that could be leaving you really unsure about what to do next. You'd be very welcome to talk this through with a counsellor some more.

Thanks for the letter, take care.

Sam