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To Sam

having a crush on one of my best friends.

hello, im writing to you because i just dont know what to do or think anymore.

recently (over the past couple of months) ive been getting closer to this boy that ive known for about 3 years (i spoke to him before we became closer but it was pretty much just small talk). for the past few days ive been hanging out with him at school and ive realised that im starting to catch feelings for him. he knows i like someone and asks me who it is but i cant tell him because i dont want to ruin what we have. we became friends very quickly and we’re already really close (i consider him my guy best friend). the only problem is, is he likes someone. he wont tell me who, but no one else knows who it is. i dont want to do the ‘if you tell me yours ill tell you mine’ because its likely his will be a different girl and ill just embarrass myself in front of him abd probably ruin what we have. im scared and i dont want to lose him. what should i do??

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

Having a crush on a friend can be both exciting and difficult. You might want to start a relationship or keep things as they are, and this can be confusing. It’s difficult to know when it’s right to tell someone about how you feel and there isn’t always a right or wrong answer.

It can be confusing when you start to like someone in a different way than being just friends. You might feel scared that they don’t feel the same way and worry about whether to tell them how you feel. There are no guarantees that your crush has the same feelings as you. Deciding to tell them how you feel can be a risk when you don’t know how they feel. But remember, how they feel about you isn’t something they can control, just like you can’t control how you feel about them.

Telling someone that you like them can feel embarrassing. Everyone is different and you might find it easier to drop some hints first to test their reaction. Sometimes you can get the answer you’re looking for from the way they act around you. You can also be more direct and tell them how you feel but it’s important to be aware that it could change your friendship.

If your crush doesn’t feel the same way, you might feel hurt but try to remember all the things that made you friends in the first place because these things haven’t changed. You could find that you both still want to be friends. You might both feel awkward around each other for a while but if you’re open with each other your friendship could survive in the long run.

You might choose to say nothing and to carry on as things are and that might feel easier than the fear of losing the friendship. One idea is to tell a different trusted friend that you have a crush, so that you can express yourself and see what they think you should do.

Whatever you decide to do it can help to talk about your choices with a counsellor at Childline or someone you trust and to be as comfortable as you can be about the decision you make. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do but whatever you decide it’s always okay to get support if things don’t go how you wanted them to.

Take care,

Sam

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