Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Is having sex with another girl illegal???

Hello, ive been wondering for quite sometime, im a girl and im 13 and i have a gf thats 15 me and her have been dating for about 2 months and im going to be meeting her next summer and shes going to sleep over. We have been thinking about doing sexual stuff and cute couple stuff when we meet but im just to shy to, but i do wanna do it with her im just quite insecure. Shes not a virgin, but i am. i just wanna know if its illegal for two girls to have sex?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

The law about sex is the same for everyone, no matter if it's two people of the same sex/gender or not. There are laws about what age someone can have sex but how these laws are applied depends on the situation. Having sex should always be your decision, and it's okay to wait if you're unsure.

The legal age you can have sex is 16. This is when most people are mentally and emotionally old enough to make their own decision about whether to have sex or not. This does mean some people will be ready before they’re 16 and some won’t be ready until after that, but the law is still the same. If you are under 13 years old then the law says it's never okay to have sex, even if you feel like you want to.

The law is there to protect you from being taken advantage of by older people. If someone is much older then they might be able to manipulate you into having sex when you might not really want to. They can make it seem like it's your decision when they’ve actually pushed you into it. The law generally isn't used to stop two young people having sex, as long as it's safe and both are 13 years old or over. The police are not interested in stopping you from exploring your sexuality, they just want to protect you from harm.

It's important to say that sex can mean different things. Besides having sexual intercourse, there are other things that can be considered sexual too - touching, kissing or being naked with each other. You need to make the decision yourself about what you feel comfortable with and how far you want to go. It's always okay to change your mind if you think things are moving too quickly.

Sending nudes can also be something you might be asked for in a sexual relationship but the law around this is different - it's illegal to share sexual pictures of someone under 18 years old, even of yourself. Again, the law is there to protect you but if your girlfriend were to be found with those images she could get in trouble for that.

I hope this has made things clearer for you but if you're ever unsure or want to talk about how you’re feeling, Childline counsellors are always here to listen.

Take care.

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter