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To Sam

i dont want my stepdad in my life

I spent the first 5 years of my life without a dad and he came into it when i was 6. im 13 now. i guess i mum was just happy to have someone in her life like that, even if they just finished university. he seemed okay, i mean he wasnt that mean to me, although then again i was still quite young. To this day he just sits around watching sport while my mum does does stuff around the house, and as you could assume, doesnt treat me good either. he gives my younger half-siblings everything they want, and i get nothing. sometimes it make me think he favours them just because they are actually his.

He gets angry, alot. if he ever wants something, he makes it apparent. The only reasons i ever get in trouble is because of a stupid subject he brings up, then he ends up taking things out my room because i have something to say in the situation, and wrestling me down to the floor, scratching and hitting me to get my phone out my pocket.

I hear them argueing about how my mum doesnt like that he does nothing, but he just ignores it and as you could assume nothing happens

i try telling my mum how i feel and she says talk to him, and it makes me think what does he do to her. i try talking to him and he shouts at me about how im not 'respectful' and just 'dont care'. i donr know what to do

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Sam

Hi there,

Every family is different and unique and is made up of different people which can mean that it’s hard to get along sometimes.

Relationships with parents can be difficult at times, whether they are biological or not. Not everyone is a fair and loving parent either. Sometimes parents say and do things that aren’t okay. Nobody is perfect and parents will make mistakes from time to time, but if someone is treating you badly a lot then this can be abuse.

It’s not okay for your stepdad to wrestle you to the floor, scratch you and hit you to get your phone out of your pocket when he wants to punish you. This is physical abuse and it’s wrong. Physical abuse is where someone deliberately hurts or injures you or another person. There is another type of abuse called emotional abuse. This can be lots of things – including if you are being shouted at a lot for things you haven’t done wrong or are put down a lot.

Changing things at home can be a scary thought and it’s not easy to do. One option would be to speak to an adult you trust. Talking to someone means that you don’t have to deal with it on your own and can get help to stop it. You could speak to a member of your wider family who you get along with and who you feel will support you. It would also be okay to speak to someone at school, they would talk to you about the situation at home.

Speaking to school and possibly social services is a big decision to make and it could be that you would like to talk this idea through some more and you could do that by contacting a counsellor at Childline. They can listen to everything that’s happening at home and help you make a decision about what you want to do next.

Thank you for writing to me, take care.

Sam

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