Ask Sam letter

Hello,

Thank you for your message. You’ve been really brave to write to me and to share a bit about how things are for you at the moment.

You mentioned that your mum and dad have split up. It can be a really upsetting and difficult time when parents split up. I imagine there might have been a lot of big changes for you since they separated. You deserve to be supported with how you’re feeling at the moment.

There is more information about when parents split up in Explore, which you might like to have a look at. It is important to know that what has happened was not your fault. You mentioned that you’ve been through a lot and I am wondering if you’ve been left with lots of worries and questions. I can hear that you talk with your mum, which is great to hear as talking can be really helpful and it is a good way to express how you’re feeling.

You also said that sometimes you get mad, talk badly, shout, swear and say things to your mum that you don’t mean. I can hear that you don’t like it when you do those things, and that you worry about upsetting your mum. That tells me that you are a caring and thoughtful person. Anger is a really important natural emotion, just like happiness and sadness. It’s ok to feel angry about your mum and dad splitting up. You have a right to express your feelings of anger, and expressing the feelings will often make your anger get less strong over time. The important thing is finding a safe way to express your anger, without hurting yourself or anyone else.

It might be helpful to spend some time thinking about the kinds of things that make you angry at the moment. Maybe you could think about other ways to express how you’re feeling about those things, such as writing a letter, drawing, painting or keeping a diary. Perhaps you could try sharing some of the things you paint, write or draw with your mum, at a time when you are both feeling calmer. It might also help for you to speak to another adult, like a family member or teacher, who might be able to stay a bit more neutral.

There are lots of different ways to express anger. There is some more information about feeling angry on the Young Minds website. You might also like to talk more with a Chidlline counsellor. You could call on 0800 11 11 which will not appear on the phone bill or you could come online for a 1-2-1 chat which works like instant messenger.

Well done for writing to me, Take care.

Sam