Hi sam,
I just figured out today that my dad is cheating on my mum. my parents are muslim and cheating is a sin. I was so shocked and I'm scared this will tear apart our family. I am certain as I saw the messages on his instagram and WhatsApp. what do I do?!?!!!! :(
Hi there,
Finding out a parent hasn't been faithful in their relationship can be very hard, especially if you find out before their partner. However, this is a problem between your parents, and the most important thing for you to do is to take care of how you’re feeling. Try thinking about what would relieve the pressure from you as this will help you decide what to do next.
Sometimes relationships are different from how they seem to be from the outside. People aren’t perfect and they say and do things that might put their relationships at risk, even if it seems like everything’s okay to everyone else. When it comes to relationships, only the people involved have a clear picture of how well it’s working.
Finding out someone is cheating on their partner can be hard because it might change your opinion of that person. This can be especially difficult when it’s one of your parents as it might feel as though your dad is cheating on the whole family, not just your mum. Childline have some information to help with difficult family relationships, and coping with how you feel.
Instead of focusing on the knowledge you have about your dad’s affair, try to think only about what you need to start healing. This will be different depending on your situation, so it's something only you can decide. It might be that you decide to tell your mum what you've seen, then step back and let your parents settle their problem. It might be that you choose not to get involved at all and don't say anything. There is no right or wrong answer and whatever happens next, you're not to blame.
What might help is to talk to someone who isn't involved, and get their support. Keeping it all to yourself can be hard, so telling someone who isn't affected emotionally can be a really good way of coming to terms with what's happened. This person might be a friend, teacher or someone else you feel you can trust. Childline counsellors are also always here to listen.
I hope this has helped you to see that your feelings about this are important and that this is not your fault, whatever route you decide to take.
Thanks for sharing, take care.
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
