Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

My closest friend in the whole world commuted sucidie

My best friend in the whole wide world took her life last monday. She meant the world to me and i loved her so much. she was like a sister to me. we were in seperable and i couldnt go a day without her. We told each other everything. But she didnt tell me her biggest secret. She was depressed sucidial and anerexic. i Tried to help her with her eating disorder but it was out of my control. i noticed that abt her but i didnt notice her suffering. im so dumb and i know its all my fault but i dont know what to do now. I want to text her and talk to her but i cant. I will never see her again. i can never be with her again and idk who to talk to abt all this. my parents teachers therapists ??

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

When someone dies by suicide you might feel different emotions. It’s natural to feel sad, upset and shocked and you might feel angry or feel that you could have done something to prevent it. Remember that you’re not responsible and sometimes people who end their life choose not to tell others how they’re feeling.

Their suicide didn’t happen because of something you said or did or because of something you didn’t say or do. When someone ends their own life there is usually a lot of complicated reasons why. Suicidal people might not express how they’re feeling and they might not know that support is available if they were to ask for help.

When you lose someone to suicide it’s important to talk about how you’re feeling and get support if you're struggling to understand why they might have ended their life. You can talk to an adult you trust like a parent, carer, teacher or a therapist and support is also available from other young people on the Childline message boards.

When someone dies it can help to create a memory box to remember times you had together. You could get a box and decorate it yourself and include things that remind you of them.  It can also be helpful to say the things that you wanted to say while they were alive and after they have died. You can do this by writing it down in a letter addressed to them, even though you can’t send it.

It might take some time before you feel ready but try to talk to people who knew them and remember the person they were, not just the way their life ended. Focussing on their life and the good times you had together can make it easier to cope with their suicide.

Even very close friends or family can’t always know how someone else is feeling and helping someone who is going through a tough time can be difficult so it’s always okay to get support for yourself too. If you are worried about someone else’s safety you can tell an adult you trust or call emergency services on 999 if they’re in danger right now. You don’t need to keep that to yourself, especially if someone is very unwell and they’re not able to get help for themselves.

Our counsellors are always here for you to get support either on the phone or online.

Thank you for your letter.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter