Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Keeping a boyfriend secret from your parents can be hard work. Lots of young people are happily going out with someone but don’t want their parents to find out or aren’t sure what their parents would think.

Ask yourself why you are scared your parents will find out. Is it that they wouldn’t want you to be going out with someone, or is it that you are worried they might not like him? Different families have different ideas about what is okay or not. If you are scared then it sounds important that you talk to other people in your family, or friends that you can really trust, to see what they think you should do.  

You do have a choice about who you go out with and it’s normal to have boyfriends and girlfriends. However, when you are younger it might be that your parents want to have a say in who you go out with, as a way of them looking after you. If you choose to talk to them then you might be able to come to a compromise that they are happy with, like rules about when you can see each other. 

Sharing relationship information on Instagram or other social websites is one way that parents or any other people can find out. It’s always worth thinking with anything you put on Instagram whether you’d be okay with anyone seeing it, as things you share online aren’t always confidential or safe. 

If you’d like to talk more about what you could do, you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor at any time by phoning 0800 1111, sending an email or having a 1-2-1 chat.  There is also some really good advice from other young people here on the Relationships message board.

Take care,
Sam