Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It sounds like you feel self-conscious because you don’t look or dress the same as your friends. I can hear that this makes you feel pretty down on yourself at times.

Most people have some things that they don’t like about themselves, even if they appear to be really confident. I’m sure you’re not the only one of your friends that feels unsure of themselves sometimes.

I’m wondering whether you’ve spoken to your friends about how you feel about yourself. It sounds like there must be lots of things that they like about you if they want to spend time with you.

It may also be helpful for you to try and think about some things that you do like about yourself. This may be something about how you look, but it doesn’t have to be. It could be something about your personality – maybe you’re a kind friend, or have a good sense of humour or perhaps there’s a skill that you’re particularly good at. It could also be helpful for you to think about times and places where you do feel confident and try and work out what it is about being there or doing a particular thing that makes you feel like that.

There’s lots more information on the ChildLine website about Building confidence and self esteem that you may like to take a look at, to see if there are some different ideas on there that you might like to try.

You mentioned that mum and dad don’t have a lot of money to spend on clothes. It sounds like you appreciate the nice clothes you do have, even it they’re not the same sort of clothes as your friends. It can be really difficult when friends in the same group have very different amounts of money to spend, as we all tend to compare ourselves to the people around us. Not having much money doesn’t have to mean not looking nice though. Charity shops can be a great source of bargains, particularly if you are a bit handy with a needly and can customise or alter the clothes that you find. A lot of the supermarkets have got up to date clothes at low prices too. It doesn’t matter if the outfit you wear cost £1 or £100 – the important thing is to pick clothes that represent who you are to wear them with confidence. The Site have some handy hints about clothes shopping on a budget.

You’ve done really well to write this letter and if you’d like to talk some more about how you’re feeling, and things that you can do, there is always someone for you to talk to at ChildLine. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 chat (it works a bit like instant messenger).

Take care,

Sam