i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and these past few months we have mostly been arguing and i have found a really nasty, abusive side to him that really scares me. He hits me and calls me horrible names i have often broke down in tears but there have been good times too he loves me and says he wants to be with me for life, we used to be perfect together. However the arguments have got to much for me, i feel as though i have no one to talk to, i can't make myself tell my mum he says if i leave him he'll commit suicide and i'm scared he will because i really do love and care for him and dont want him to come to any harm. A few months ago he took rude pictures of me that i didnt want him to take and videoed me i was stupid for not standing my ground and listening to my gut i tried to delete them and he got angry and started to hurt me. He say's if i finish it with him he'll send them to everyone what do i do please help i'm so scared
Sam
Hi there,
Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like things are feeling very difficult for you at the moment and I am really concerned to hear that your boyfriend is abusing you like this. No one has the right to hurt another person, whether thats physically, verbally or in any other way. I get the sense that its confusing for you that he is sometimes like this but things can be good too. You also love him and dont want anything to happen to him. I want you to know that you do not have to go through this alone.
It sounds like you are feeling trapped at the moment as he is making threats to try to stop you from leaving him. Forcing someone to make videos or pictures is sexual abuse and it its not your fault that this has happened. It sounds like there is a part of you that really wants the relationship to end the part of you that cries when he hits you and calls you names. You've also experienced his anger and been hurt by him when you tried to delete photos he took of you. However, there is also a caring part of you that doesnt want him to hurt himself if you leave him, and this is stopping you from doing what is right for you. It's important for you to remember, even though this might go against some of your feelings, you cant be responsible for what he decides to do if you leave him. What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse forcing you to stay in an abusive relationship. You might feel that you're facing a difficult decision, and often it's difficult to make these decisions on your own.
I get the sense that it is hard for you feeling like you cant tell your mum and I think its important that you get some support with how you are feeling and to help you decide what you want to do. Maybe you could get in touch with ChildLine either by calling them on 0800 1111 or by using the 1-2-1 chat.
When you talk to a counsellor it is a safe space where you can talk about how you feel and explore your options. If for now you just want to talk and not do anything thats OK. You might also find it helpful to get in touch with The Hideout or The National Domestic Violence Helpline (their helpline is open 24 hours a day) or just look at their websites for some advice. Remember if you do ever feel at risk then the quickest way to get help is to call 999.
Take care,
Sam
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