Ask Sam letter

It sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation – on the one hand you care about your boyfriend a lot, but on the other he’s hurting you by the way he treats you.

I can hear that your boyfriend has been having problems of his own – depression can make a person act differently to how they might normally act – but he’s still responsible for his words and actions. Having depression isn’t an excuse to be horrible to you.

If you feel unsafe around him – and that he might hurt you more in the future, it would be okay to decide to leave him. Sometimes people who are in relationships where they are being hurt find it difficult to leave. That decision is one only you can make – I can’t tell you what to do –but I can make sure you know that it is an option and you do have the choice.

You may want to think about how you see your relationship with him moving forwards – how would you like things to be in 12 months? How long do you think you could last with things being this way? Are there signs your boyfriend is willing to change?

Asking yourself these kinds of questions can help you to work out what you should do next. Maybe they’re the things you can talk through with someone you trust.

If you wanted to talk to one of our counsellors, they’re here for you and waiting for you to call or come and chat online. Don’t forget you can also talk with other young people on our message boards, they may be able to share their own experiences of similar situations which could help you.

You could also check out the This Is Abuse website for more advice and information on abusive relationships.

Take care of yourself,
Sam