Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter about how things are for you. From what you have said it sounds like your relationship is very important to you, and that you are looking for a way to make things better for you and your girlfriend.

It sounds like you really care for your girlfriend and love her very much. I can hear that there are times where you feel you might be hurting her. I can see you are unsure who to talk to, so well done for writing to me about this.

It is normal to worry about relationships, and it is even normal to have arguments, as long as they do not turn violent or frightening for one of the people, as this is called abuse.

Your letter doesn’t say a lot about the sort of things that happen between you, but I can see they are concerning you. You say things start off as playing about, but then get serious. One of the most important parts to a relationship is to make sure both people feel comfortable and respected. If that’s not happening in a relationship, then that’s a sign that something is going wrong.

Talking things through will always help you both see how you feel about each other. I can see you don’t know where to start. Maybe speaking to your girlfriend about your concerns will show her how you feel, and how much you care for her. All relationships have problems at one point or another, and often working through them together means that they can be sorted. However, if a relationship has become abusive, staying together can be harmful for both people involved. For more information on what is and isn’t abuse, check out the This is Abuse website. There is also some great information about healthy relationships in Explore.

Admitting that you might need to change your own behaviour can be really hard and I think you’ve been really brave to get in touch. ChildLine will always be there if you want to talk to them.
 
Thanks for getting in touch,

Sam