Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

The age of consent for sex is 16 if you live in the UK. This means that the law says you need to be at least 16 before you’re considered old enough to understand what you’re agreeing to if you have sex. Sex means any type of sexual activity for all genders and any sexuality, including oral sex.

The age of consent is there to protect you from being abused or exploited by adults. Adults are older and are more able to persuade a young person to do something that they might not want to do. This helps the police take action to protect young people who are being taken advantage of.

It's also important to remember though that the law isn't there to punish young people exploring their sexuality safely. It is unlikely that the police would want to prosecute two young people who are having sex responsibly, as long as there’s no abuse or pressure involved. If someone is 12 or younger, there are more laws about this and there is more of a chance the police would want to be involved if someone over 13 had sex with someone under 13.

The age of 16 is the law because that's the age that most people feel ready to have sex. But there are some people who feel like they are ready sooner than this and some that still don't feel ready when they’re 16. It’s important to feel comfortable with your decision and there are some things to think about before making your choice.

The first thing you should think about is your safety. You need to trust this person enough not to hurt you and to respect your decisions. Do you feel that they would stop if you asked them to? It is also important to take steps to protect your health - you can still catch sexually transmitted infections from oral sex.

Secondly think about your feelings. How are you going to feel if you share a very private part of yourself with someone else? It's a difficult question to answer without experiencing it, but you might think about whether you could trust this person with your biggest secret - if you couldn't imagine yourself doing that, then what is it going to be like if you trust them with your most private parts of your body?

Thirdly try and think about the other person - do they seem ready? It's important to recognise if you’re putting pressure on them without realising it. Or if they’re putting pressure on you.Talking about what you both want and sharing how you feel is the best way to understand each other and keep each other safe.

I hope that this has helped you understand what the law says and the important things to think about before you make your decision. If you wanted to talk more, you can always contact one of our counsellors or talk on our message boards.

Thanks for your letter, take care.

Sam