Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for writing in to me.

It's clear that you care about your girlfriend, but what your girlfriend is doing by blackmailing and threatening you is controlling and abusive behaviour. It's never okay for anyone to treat you this way.

From what you have said it seems that you have mixed emotions about your relationship and that is understandable due to the situation. It might be worth taking some time to think about what you want from the relationship. The This Is Abuse website has a checklist to see if your relationship is abusive.

Breaking up with someone can be tough. However, what your girlfriend chooses to do if you break up with her is not your fault. If you do feel that she is going to harm herself, maybe you could think about talking to an adult you trust, so that they can help to keep her safe. It sounds like she could use some support.

I am not sure if you are getting any support for what is going on and how you are feeling. I know that sometimes it can be difficult to talk about difficult feelings but you should consider talking to people that can help you – this could be a friend, relative or someone like a teacher.

You have the right to choose whether you stay in your relationship or breakup with your girlfriend. I can’t tell you what to do but from what you have said it doesn’t sound like you are in a healthy relationship. If you decide to stay with your girlfriend, maybe you could think about keeping a diary of incidents of the abuse including dates, times and details as well as making a safety plan in case your girlfriend continues to hurt you.

If you wanted to talk this through some more you can come through and talk with one of our counsellors who would be happy to support you.

Take care,
Sam