hi sam i had lost my virginty 5 years ago ans i have really strict middle eastern parents that are really religous and belive that you sould lose your virginty after marriage .anytime my mum asks if im a virgin i always say yes cause im scared that she will hate and judge also threaten me cause she has threatened me if i lose my virginty she will kick me out of the house the question is : should i tell my parents im not a virgin?
Sam
Hi there,
Hi there,
What you do with your body is your decision. Your sex life is as private or as public as you want it to be. You don't owe anybody an explanation for the choices you make about sex, and that includes your parents.
When you’re younger, it’s important to be tell your parents if something’s happened – so they can protect you if you’re being pressured into sex by someone, or being exploited or abused. In those cases, parents should know what's going on because it's their job to keep you safe.
When you’re ready to make your own choices about who you have sex with and when you lose your virginity, it is nobody else's business but yours. If you feel comfortable with your decisions and nobody is being hurt, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. Whether you choose to tell your parents about your sex life depends on your relationship with them and how they might react.
If your parents are understanding and supportive, sharing this with them might mean they can give you good advice and make sure you’re taking all the right steps to stay safe. If your parents would react badly then it might not be something you choose to share with them until you have moved out and are able to support yourself financially. You may choose to never share this with them if you don't want to.
Things are different if you’re being forced to have sex, or if you’re under 16 and the person having sex with you is an adult. This can be abusive so in these cases it's always better to tell someone. If you’re ever unsure you could always tell a different adult you trust, so that they can make sure you get the help you need.
I hope this has helped you make your decision - if you need or want more support you can always contact a Childline counsellor. Or you can ask other young people about what has worked for them on Childline’s message boards.
Take care,
Sam
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