Hi there,
When parents feel they can no longer live together, this can be for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with the child or children in the family. Adults make choices about starting a relationship and they make choices about ending relationships. Those decisions are their responsibility alone.
I know sometimes a child can be left feeling maybe they could have done something to make things better for their parents and family. For example, you might think If only Id been good, then they wouldnt have argued as much - but it is never your fault.
From your letter, its not clear if one of your parents has said that it's your fault or if it's just something you just feel yourself. If you are around angry adults who arent giving you praise, support and understanding, I can see why youd feel that way.
It isnt easy to get through to adults who are feeling angry and in the habit of blaming other people, but I wonder if youve tried to tell your parents how youre feeling. It might be difficult to think about, but Im asking because I know sometimes parents dont truly know how their child feels. Its impossible to say, but maybe if they knew more about how you feel they might change their behaviour a bit.
If youd like ideas for how you might do that you could talk to one of our counsellors, either by phone or with an online chat. Or you could tell us more in an email. We could help you think about things like what youd want to say, which parent you might speak to first and how/when that kind of conversation might happen.
I also hope you can look at our pages about Divorce and separation and Family relationships. You could also check out our message boards on Separation and divorce, where young people post messages to support one another. You may find that other young people are struggling with the same feelings. Im hoping reading some of their comments, or asking for support yourself, might help you feel a bit less alone right now.
Youve taken such a good step in writing to me. Youve been very honest and Im hoping youll continue to let us know how things are going. Its always your choice as to how and when you contact us and well always do our best to listen and help.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
