Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

You’ve been really brave saying what has been happening and I want you to know that it’s wrong for your aunt to say hurtful things to you. When someone says or does something that makes you feel bad about yourself, or hurts your feelings, then this is emotional abuse. It sounds like this is what your auntie is doing to you, which is wrong and shouldn’t be happening.

In every family there are good and not so good times and it’s normal for there to be times when people argue, but it’s not healthy if it’s happening all the time. Sometimes it can be helpful for people to think if these fights happen on certain days, after specific events or are about similar things to see if there are things which are which are triggering them. Perhaps this is something you can do and if you recognise there are certain patterns it can be it easier to avoid these triggers or learn to cope with them differently. You may want to look on the ChildLine message boards to get peer support from other young people. 

You’ve told me that you’ve been through a lot of loss in your life, which sounds really difficult for you to cope with. I want you to know that you don’t have to deal with this on your own and there are people who can support you. Winston’s wish is a website for young people who have had someone they care about die, you may find it helpful to have a look and get support from other young people who may have been in a similar situation.

I can hear that you don’t want to live with your grandparents any more and don’t want to live with your dad full-time either. It sounds like you’re feeling really stuck and unhappy at the moment and that sounds hard. Perhaps you could speak to your grandparents and your dad about how you’re finding things to see if some arrangement can be made as to your living arrangement. If you feel like your family aren’t keeping you safe from the emotional abuse, then you could think about speaking to Social Services. Social services can support families when things at home aren’t as happy as they should be and they could help you and your family to be happy and safe. If this is something you want to do you can speak to a ChildLine counsellor in more detail about this, or ask a trusted teacher.

If you want to talk more about what’s going on at home, you can always talk to one of the ChildLine counsellors by phone on 0800 1111, logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or sending them an email. They can also speak to you about the bullying and ways to try and make it stop. They could also help you explore different ways to express your anger such as screaming, going for a run or writing your thoughts down.

Take care,

Sam