Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Some people find it difficult to control their emotions and reactions. Getting angry can cause problems when it happens a lot, especially if it's difficult to control how you react. Nobody should ever tell you that your feelings are wrong, but if you want to change the way you handle situations then there are some things you can try.

A lot of the time a situation gets out of hand because we say or do something in the heat of the moment. When you argue back it’s because you’re acting on feelings you have in that moment. There might be important things you want to say but because you feel angry, they might come across in a way that isn't helpful for you. To change this it can help to slow things down.

Slowing a situation down means taking a few moments before responding. A good way of doing this is when something makes you angry, close your eyes and count to ten before saying anything back. Giving yourself that time can help to stop anger from affecting what you say.

Another thing that can help is to talk out loud about how you’re feeling. Usually we just give a response to what the other person is saying, but if you talk through what you’re feeling it can help both you and them to understand what you’re going through. This can help because you might say out loud, "I'm feeling angry but I'm trying not to react to my feelings. I want to say something back to you but first I'm going to wait a few moments so I can think about it".

These techniques work best when those around you know you're trying to work on your anger. If people know this is something you're trying to change, they will usually be supportive. If people at home aren’t supportive perhaps you could talk to other people you trust about what kind of support you feel you need.

I hope this advice helps you make the changes you want to make. Remember that your feelings always matter and you can always get support from a Childline counsellor.

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Take care.

Sam