me and my mum argue all the time... Tomorrow my mum and dad are going to have a talk about me moving in with my dad.. But I'm scared because I look up to my dad. My mum found a letter in my drawer at her house saying that I wanted to die. It was made just for my eyes. I have them thoughts still, but I don't think I'm going to just sometimes I feel like I want to. Anyway if my mum tells my dad then I'm going to hate her and he's going to lose all of his respect for me.. I started scratching, not cutting, scratching, my friends know and they are all sticking with me. My best friend knows how I feel because he has been through all of it.. But even his advice does nothing for me. So I want some official advice, I can't stay strong anymore, I just keep breaking down and crying, help me😥
Sam
Hi there and thanks for your letter,
It sounds like you are feeling really worried about what your dad will think of your letter as it was something personal and it sounds like you feel he will lose respect for you.
Its important for you to know that feeling like you want to die is not a sign of weakness and doesnt make you a bad person. This is a feeling that can happen to anyone for any number of different reasons and it sounds like for you writing that down was one way of coping with and expressing that feeling. It takes courage to admit that this is something you feel and it is important that you talk to someone or seek help with these thoughts and feelings. No one has to deal with this alone.
It also sounds like youre still struggling to find a way of coping with things as you have started to scratch yourself. I dont judge anyone for the way they cope its always okay to be honest and open with me and I thank you for this. ChildLine provides a safe place to talk. The only thing we want is for you to be as safe as possible this would mean looking after any injuries you have to ensure they healed properly and to get professional medical help if you are concerned about wounds that are not healing, bleeding that will not stop or if your harming makes you feel unwell.
Self-harm is something thats personal for everyone each person has their own reasons and own feelings about it. It sounds as though what youre doing at the moment isnt quite helping you though and that you need more support. My advice would be that you should make sure you are talking to someone you trust and getting that support, many young people tell us they find this helpful and although it can be a difficult step it is also an important one.
Perhaps this is where ChildLine can come in? You have taken a great first step by writing to me; perhaps you can also try talking to one of our counsellors? They would really like to listen some more about how things are at the moment and you can get in touch confidentially either online for a 1-2-1 chat or email or on the phone 0800 1111.
Take care.
Sam
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