Hi Sam, im a bisexual girl and i am in a relationship with another girl. my mum knows about us but her parents dont have a clue about her sexuality or that we are together. none of her friends or my friends know about us. we have been together for 6 months and i think that it is important for her to tell her parents and come out about herself to her friends. i want her to feel strong about coming out, and i want to convince her to in the nicest way possible to do so . how can i support her and encourage her to do this?
Sam
Hi there,
Thanks for your message.
I can hear how important it is to you for your girlfriend to come out and that you want to support her in doing that. It sounds like your relationship is a really positive part of your life, so its understandable that you would like other people to know about it. However, coming out is a very personal decision so at the end of the day its got to be up to your girlfriend if and when she decides to do that.
It might be that your girlfriend isnt ready to tell anyone about her sexuality yet or there might be a reason why she doesnt want not to tell anyone. Its really good that you want to be supportive of your girlfriend and I can hear that you really care about her. You tell me that your mum already knows about your sexuality. Perhaps you could talk to your girlfriend about what that experience was like for you. You could suggest she has a look at the Explore page about sexual orientation. Young Stonewall also has some good information about coming out.
Unfortunately not everyone will have a positive experience of coming out and it might be that your girlfriend suspects that her parents or friends wont be supportive. It could be helpful to gently remind her that coming out doesnt have to be done all at once. Maybe there is one particular friend or family member she would feel happy to come out to first. If she has a positive experience with them, it might build her confidence about coming out to other people.
From your letter it seems like you might be finding it hard having to keep your relationship a secret. Its important for you both to feel happy and comfortable in your relationship. You both have a right to talk to each other about what youd like to happen. Whats not OK is to try and pressure the other person into something they dont really want. If your girlfriend just isnt ready to come out to anyone yet and you dont think you can cope with the secrecy any longer, then it might be a good thing to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. You might decide this isnt the right time for the two of you to be together or that you are happy to carry on as you are and let her come out when she is ready. I know that might be a hard thing to hear. Remember that you are very welcome to talk to one of our counsellors about this if youd like some extra support - we are here for both of you.
Take care
Sam
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