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Hi there,
Thank you for your letter and well done for writing in to get some support.
It sounds like maybe you've been having some questions around your sexuality for several years and you''re now feeling surer that you are bisexual.
The years after you hit puberty can be a time when you start to understand more about yourself and your identity. It can also be a confusing time, with some new feelings you've never had before and working out what it all means.
You say that you've accepted your feelings now, but you didn't think it was normal. You also seem to feel that society sees it as abnormal. I understand that it can be difficult feeling like you're different from the norm in some way.
I know there is a lot of focus in films, TV, books and magazines around heterosexual ('straight') relationships. Its also often assumed that you must see yourself as straight, unless you say otherwise. I know it can be difficult to step away from all that and think about how you actually see yourself.
Sometimes its helpful to remember that everyone has things about them that make them different in some ways from others. We're all individuals and deserve to be respected equally. It's perfectly okay and normal to be bi, gay, lesbian or straight.
Im pleased to hear that you think that your mum would be accepting if you did let her know that you're bisexual. I imagine that's nice for you to know, although it's completely up to you if or when you tell people about your sexuality.
I can hear too that you're not feeling comfortable with telling your mum at the moment and that you definitely do not want to tell your dad, in case he bullies or judges you. I am concerned that your dad bullies you already - this is something you could get support with from Childline, when you're ready.
Sometimes when people are starting to think about having conversations about coming out, they think about who they trust to share things with and how much they would like to tell them. It also helps to think about when and where it might be to tell them. Often people start with telling friends they feel will be accepting and it sounds like that's something you've done already.
You shouldn't feel pressured into having to choose a gender, being bisexual doesnt make you "greedy" in any way. It doesnt mean that for instance you fancy everyone you meet. Even if you're attracted to people from both genders, you'll still only find some of the people you come across attractive and only have an interest in wanting to date a few of them.
I understand this all may be a lot for you to think about and I want you to know that there is always someone for you to speak to at Childline either by calling on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and dont show up on the bill) or by using our 1-2-1 chat.
You may also like to take a look at our pages on Sexual identity and the message board posts from other young people around sexuality. These young people may have some similar things on their mind. Another organisation that also supports lesbian, gay and bisexual young people is Young Stonewall.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.